Bending and twisting your rules.

As a milestone anniversary approaches I am plagued with the notion of tradition. Traditional expectations, traditional gifts, traditional values and the traditional day to mark a lifelong commitment. When we reach this day do we have a party? I would have preferred a party last Wednesday afternoon around 3:37 or so. That's when I wanted a party. Family members give the impression that a NASA countdown has begun especially for us complete with space diapers and weightless anticipation. Do I get a cool Mission Accomplished badge to wear on my sleeve.

Why that day, the day we were bound by the State? Perhaps the day love coldcocked me like that motherfucking bouncer at............nevermind, that's another story. But I can't say when because it just happened. No banners or pyrotechnics, no black ties or vodka bars and certainly no invitaions with the wrong san serif font. Our marriage is anarchism in practice. Beautiful and chaotic with a smattering of lust.

Have you ever seen Picasso's original sketch for Guernica? Void of passion and merely a template. Tradition is a template, void of passion. Life is passion. So marking these anniversaries is, on the surface, a confirmation of adhering to a template void of passion. Beauty came with passion covering the sketch with layers, upon layers, upon changing layers.

I am, for some reason, reminded of a woman I was chatting with once. The topic of children lead to her referring to her child as her 43 month old. That is tradition run amuck with a smattering of crazy. Are you fucking insane? Issues, I say, issues.

With that I leave you with some suggestions........

--Teach your children to embrace the intricacies of sarcasm.
--When asked to see your receipt, say no and keep on walking.
--Bring your own snacks to the theater, don't hide them like a wuss, parade your good fortune for all to see.
--Always buy tickets for another movie and go to the one you want to see.
--If you see a "punk" coming out of a alternative niche retailer at the local mall, call him/her a poser for all to hear. Because they are.
--Never use a Happy Customer card. Big Brother knows its your special day. Do they really need to record your purchase of duct tape, clothes pins and nonpareils. Well, maybe the coupons next year would be helpful.

This year I plan to purchase a large traditional crystal object and take my wife to a large body of water so that we may enjoy the sound of the plunk as it breaks the chilly surface. A simple punctuation in our lives together.

Fly the flag, we do, literally.

After all, Ceci n’est pas une pipe.