How better to say Merry Christmas...

...than with a swatch of cotton up your ass.

I had the opportunity a while back to purchase a thong. Not just any thong, but a special thong, the kind dreams are made of. This is not some sort of black market undergarment scheme.

This is politics.

Around the time David Dunning, threw his hat in the ring for the Democratic nod for Chili Town Supervisor, he introduced a line a campaign products to raise necessary funds to challenge incumbent Tracy Logel. Feeling the pain of the underdog I looked at the line of Double D swag available for purchase. I've got a shitload of coffee cups, don't need any Tshirts and most certainly am not in need of a another politically charged bumper sticker.

And then there it was. All .006 cubic yards of pure white American made cotton. A thong with the phrase Elect David Dunning on the front and the whaletail reserved for Vote Dunning, Dunn-Right, Dunn-Openly, Dunn-Honestly.

Dunn Deal, said the monkey as he reached for the Visa, sans the phrase In God We Trust.

I suppose I had greater altruistic intentions for this item, rather than the selfish vision of my wife with David Dunning emblazoned in her nether regions.

As of yesterday, I secured the signature of Supervisor Elect Dunning on said item and have made the decision to auction this garment to the highest bidder with the proceeds being donated to the charity of choice by the winning bidder.

This lovely item, one of only two in existence according to Dunning HQ, is American made, signed, 100% cotton and unworn.

This is history people, so suck it up and get your freak on for America. Granted it doesn't have the allure of the blue dress, it by all means comes from the heart in this season of giving.

Failing a successful auction, phase two of my philanthropic venture will be a calendar featuring the famed Double D thong showcased by some local "talent".

Bid here on eBay.