Stealing your soul

"Are you saved?" That is the question posed to me not long ago. If this stranger meant when Rudy Giuliani "bravely" grabbed that ultimate of all reassuring modern weapons, the megaphone, and yelled to the already converted (i.e., post-attack fervent patriots eager to embrace anyone with a mouthpiece), then yes, I was "saved." (If I ever forget, Giuliani's ads remind me nightly.) But no, this stranger meant had I submitted to ethereal theft.

Why theft?

If my soul is so valuable then why do religious organizations ask for tithes? I thought they were only interested in the well-being of my afterlife's wraith and faith. I'm fresh out of both. If I willingly comply and just fork over the cash then I am complicit in the stealing of my soul. Sorry, there's no Faust in this house. I refuse to be a victim of this celestial sleight of hand.

"But tithes will pay for our new mega worship building to the Savior so we can reach even more souls." Yes! Vainglorious displays scream "piety." Besides, Jesus was known for his ostentatious ways, right?

If in doubt ask "What would Jesus do?" I don't know, but if I go by the current modern mega church movement, Jesus would be doing it in style simulcast on three networks. "Your personal Savior brought to you by Halliburton" has such an intimate ring to it.